Napoleon

You saw the title. There is a lot to unpack with the massive, memey, and memorable Napoleon. When I was younger, I was so fascinated by the Napoleonic Wars that I did several school projects about the original short king: the 5 '6 Emperor of France Napoleon Bonaparte (who is a whole inch taller than current short king icon Josh Hutcherson).

I feel like the first place to start would be with Joaquin Phoenix’s portrayal of the historical icon. Phoenix masters the role as this cunty, horny, stubborn little douche. One thing I adored about his take on the figure was the decision to make him an absolute loser, which Phoenix has proved to be the master of portraying throughout his career (recent examples include Beau is Afraid and Joker). In most biopics, the team behind the film encourages the lead to behave as a sort of godlike icon. However, in Napoleon, we see how insecure, pathetic, and arrogant these “icons” probably were, drawing clear parallels with many “world leaders” today.

Gosh, I am so ecstatic that Ridley Scott still gets a blank check to create these massive historical epics. The production elements of Napoleon are so grand and captivating. Key historical battles from Napoleon’s conquest are given room to breathe in this fast-paced narrative. Near the start, we’re fully immersed into the Siege of Toulon and kept on the edge of our seats before we’d even settled into them. Scott and company accomplish this by showing how bloody and violent these battles can be with brutal hand to hand combat, camera placements that make you feel as though you were a part of the siege, and booming audio that reverberates in your ears. These technical elements shine most in the Battle of Austerlitz, my personal highlight of the film. The cross cutting of the editing showcases Napoleon's mastermind for battle strategy, transporting us to multiple settings of the victory over the Asutrians. This battle is made all the more glorious by the impressive sound design and the beautiful costume design with outfits from French, Russian, and Austrian soldiers. It even uses hundreds of background actors physically on location for these massive set pieces to allow the audience to get lost in the visual feast. But really, every battle sequence in Napoleon is deeply captivating as it observes the many different styles of war, from cannons firing into fields of soldiers to infantry marching into enemy lines to calvary trotting into formation. I could watch these battles all day and pick up on new elements each time. 

Some people talk about Scott’s previous directing effort, House of Gucci, as being this ultimate camp piece of art. However, I personally just found that movie to be unintentionally camp. But with Napoleon, I really sensed that those involved were seeking to create a new camp masterclass. Nonetheless, both films boast beautiful costume designs and balance serious subject matters with some of the funniest scenes in their respective years. And so much of Napoleon’s hilarity stems with David Scarpa’s gold mine of lines. One of my favorites has to be when Napoleon is having a disagreement with the British and boldly exclaims, “You think you’re so great because you have boats!” With lines like that, there is no doubt that Napoleon is “truly not like other men'', as he stated after learning of being cucked by his wife. 

Speaking of sex, Napoleon definitely has the most hilarious sex sequences of the year. Whether we see the French Emperor oinking like a pig to persuade his way into coitus or  witness our short king throw food at Josephine before crawling under a table to eat out his beloved, Napoleon is always ready to deliver scenes that are both sexually-charged and absolutely bonkers. Suffice it to say, Napoleon is truly the comedy of the year. I hope Ridley Scott maintains this same tone with Gladiator 2 next year, blessing us with acting legend Denzel Washington in full apeshit mode. 

Sadly, Napoleon is not perfect. I have mentioned Josephine, portrayed by Vanessa Kirby many times so far. However, the script forgets about her entirely at times. Kirby is such an incredible talent, so it was a shame to see her so underutilized in this film. One thing they tease but never fully explore is the fact that Napoleon and Josephine write to each other when he is out of the country. This is periodically expressed via voiceover but squeezed in only when there’s space between the massive battles in this rushed narrative. Because those involved are attempting to tell one of the most detailed, interesting, and action-packed stories of any individual, other side characters often come and go with little to no impact. This can also be attributed to Napoleon’s pace, which is so quick that we jump from one set piece to the next without obtaining necessary context.

Yet overall, I found Napoleon to be a great time. The epic has some of the most mesmerizing battle sequences I have ever seen, some of the most outstanding craft work of the year (especially in the sound and costume department), and really nails its tone with a perfect dash of camp. That being said, two and a half hours is nowhere near enough time to dive into the life of Napoleon Bonaparte. While I did have a blast with this campy, self-aware, bold epic, I do think this was better suited as a miniseries sprawling the adult years of Napoleon. As the history buff I am, there are so many intriguing details about his life that are left out of this film. They may be covered in the four-hour director’s cut soon arriving to AppleTV+, but until then, I nonetheless maintain that this film is something for the cast and crew to hang their hat high on.

8/10